Last night’s ass-fucking …

Tags

anal sex, anal training, begging, deep throat, master/slave, oral sex, rough sex, terminology

… happened, again. He tried something new – ben-wa balls in my cunt, and then his cock in my ass. We had to stop that as it just was not. going. to. work. So then I think he felt a bit frustrated by that failure, and so when he fucked my ass, he was particularly vicious. First the pushy, demanding fucking with the head of his cock while I squirmed and squealed. Then, the ‘hold the troublesome girl in place’ position, with him poised above me, and then plunging directly in (with lube thank god) as deep as he could go in one fell swoop. May I add, that was bloody deep, and then as he really got into abusing my ass, it was all I could do to hold on for the ride.

As we lay cuddling afterwards, he told me I wasn’t getting the butt plug overnight. I begged and begged for it but he just wouldn’t. I may have pouted.

Oh and the evening started with a lot of throat-fucking. “To the back of your throat, slut.” So I did. “And out”. I followed all the instructions to the letter. When I pulled off choking and coughing, he gave me 2 seconds to breathe, then he grabbed a fistful of my hair and put me right back where I belonged, and held me in place just long enough to remind me. “I didn’t say stop, slut.”

Oh and I think I have to start using the term ‘pussy’ rather than ‘cunt’ as now he’s calling me a cunt, which may I say just makes my pussy juices flow freely, as I really get off on being reduced to that simple, greedy little hole of mine. Or really, it’s his, he owns this pussy, and when I asked if I could touch myself to sleep, of course he said no. It’s his, not mine.

Now tonight I’m going to sleep exhausted right now while he is out. When he gets home, I wonder what will happen. I’m way too tired and need my sleep, badly. However, he is my Master and if he wants to take my ass, … let’s wait and see shall we.

The bad parts of it all

Tags

headspace, husband/wife, marriage, sex slave, submissive wife, terminology

After reading Luna’s post, I’ve been mulling over the idea of talking about the bad parts of being my husband’s sex slave. How much will it ruin the mystique and romance I’ve built up on this blog? How much will it scare away my audience? How much will it dissuade people who want to try out this lifestyle? In the end I decided that I’d rather be upfront and honest about it, get it out of the way now, and then from here on continue to be happily erotic, filthy, and turn myself on every time I type a post. So here goes.

The bad parts are when I snap and decide I want no more of it. My libido simply breaks under it all, and I become essentially mentally frigid for a week or two. I can’t see the positives of the lifestyle at all, I can’t fathom why I would hand over control. I just cannot do it, and I can’t see a future where I could do it again. This happens about once every 3 months, and it certainly is scary. The first time we had wild discussions and he had to calm me down a lot. Ultimately we are in a relationship where we respect and adore each other, and there’s no point letting sex get in the way of blissful partnership. So once I relaxed about it, we’d agree to take some time off. After a week or two, I’d find myself fantasising at night. Then would come the torturous stammered conversations where I would try and explain that I wasn’t lying before, I was just … confused? And now I’m back and want to submit! He would take this in his stride, ease me back into it, and off we’d go. Until the next libido breakdown.

So now we agree that when those moments happen, we simply roll with the punches, let my libido do its thing, and check in regularly to be clear and consensual about when we want to start again. And when I’m ready, consent flies out the window and it’s servitude again, thorough and utter and degrading and ecstatic, and I couldn’t imagine not doing this, and on we go.

That’s the thing. It isn’t straightforward. It isn’t set in stone. My sexuality is fluid, and my mind is ever-changing, and – though this may sound to some of you a very UN-slave thing to say – ultimately I need to be able to say ‘no’ in that moment of panic and trust that he will wait out the storm with me. 

This has meant that over the past 9 months now, we’ve been able to weather those storms, and continue to deepen our Master/slave relationship. Those are the bad parts, and they’ve turned out to be the proof that what we are doing CAN continue, and CAN succeed. It makes it easier to give up entirely when I know that I will be listened to when I hit that brick wall.

terminology

Tags

bdsm, slavery, terminology

now i realise slave generally has a specific meaning in bdsm – i have been a submissive for the past 7 years, so i know full well that slave is generally used to mean more than just sex, more than just play, but a handing over of control over a decent amount of life itself.

no can do. not interested. no need. absolutely not for me. yet i want to use the word, for obvious reasons. i’m more than a sub (for) (right) now. this is clearly a big step forwards in obedience and subservience. in fact i prefer “subservience” – it’s a combination of submitting, and serving. and my role now is one of a slave in that i am owned and have no rights. it just so happens that this is only within the boundaries of our sex lives. so i’m a sex slave, such a cliche, but true. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want, however i want. but if he says “present to me”, i’ll be on the floor with my wet shaved cunt and tight ass in the air, pulling my pants down to my knees and my shirt up over my tits so he can access everything he owns. i’ll stay there and take it all, and then i’ll return to my life.

so i know i’m not a ‘real’ ’24×7′ slave, but i’m not giving the word up.