I just hit “publish” on that last post, and realised that there’s so much to update you on, that I may as well keep writing. So many hot nights, so much training, so much stuff that as I write it, I feel squicky, embarrassed, slutty, and then very, very wet between my lips … So I may as well keep going. And the next big story to tell is anal.
So, I was taking a lot more, last time we talked. There was a lot of butt plugs, and anal sex, and a surprising amount of me begging for it. You may be pleased and yet unsurprised to know that this hasn’t really changed. Although he assures me it’s still very tight, I feel like by now my ass must be as loose as any porn stars, because it’s been used so much. But it’s not always about the fucking – it’s about the headspace. He knows that I feel so degraded and powerless when he does anything to me there, that it’s a surefire way to send me spiralling down into obedience and acceptance.
So, what does this mean?
It means he’ll come into the bathroom while I’m brushing my teeth, which is not particularly sexy, point to the floor (which means I’m to get in position – face to the floor, hands clasped on top of my head, knees far apart, ass in the air, ankles crossed), and then push a large butt plug in, methodically, calmly, with his hand on the back of my neck, holding me in place. In general, I’m to stay in any position until told I can move – so there I am, maybe with a shirt and bra on still, maybe socks, face pressed to the cold tile floor, ass burning at the sudden intrusion, and from that moment on I just sink, sink, down deeper and further. He makes me get up and finish brushing my teeth. Once while I did this he fucked me with the butt plug; once he fucked my cunt with his cock; once he just stood there and watched; a few times he’s just left me, and then told me to crawl to bed. Regardless – I’m in the headspace.
Of course going to bed it is fair enough to want to start play a few moments before being IN bed. It can be harder to take – and a much harder mental fall – when it’s a slap to the face, pushed to the ground, til I’m flat on my stomach, pants hiked down, his knee on my back, and then a dildo fucking my ass rough from the start, while he repeats to me, over and over, what I am, what my role is, who owns me, and how little he gives a fuck about the pain I’m feeling. That scene has happened once – and a couple of times with variations – but it also throws me right down there.
The funny thing is, he’s tried similar experiences with his cock in my cunt, but to be honest, that gives me so much pleasure that I don’t think he really believes I am in the right headspace. I hate it, but he’s right. At least, that’s what I think – that rough sex out of nowhere is just a fucking Mills and Boon novel. Easy to dismiss at the end of it. When he pushes me around, gives me bruises from his grip, spreads my ass cheeks and tells me how little I’m worth, and then does something expressly to hurt me and make me feel like just flesh for his entertainment … well it’s still fucking hot, but afterwards I can’t just shake it off.
What DOES happen afterwards? I’m a pathetic little mess. I crawl to him, hold his legs, and bawl my eyes out. He holds me, calms me, soothes me, reminds me that he loves me, and reminds me of my role. It’s fine to be a mess after being put in my place. “A mess” simply means he’s stripped away all the independence and decision making ability, and he’s turned me into a slave waiting to be directed. So after he soothes me, sometimes he does direct me – these may be nice moments, snuggles and kisses. Or they may be to get back in position and accept his cock in my ass, as rough as he wants. But as a slave, this just sends me off to that beautiful blissful place of pain, acceptance, obedience, and submission.
So, anal. Yep, it’s effective. And I’m wearing those plugs a lot of the time around the house, and often overnight. I’m his anal slut, and he loves it. And that’s enough for me.