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… last night. he said he was going to let me sleep. i asked for play – but nothing too heavy.

so he put the hood on me. buckled in the penis gag. restraints on ankles and wrists. hogtied. stainless steel ass hook slid into me.

around the time he started hogtying me, i started fighting. fighting back because i knew i couldn’t win, but i needed to feel him bringing me to heel, exerting his control. i was pissed at him mildly for going straight to what i thought was heavy, right when i asked to not have it.

and i fought back. and he wrenched my limbs into position, buckled me up, and everything i did was useless.

which is precisely what submission is for me. whatever i try to do, is useless. so i end up giving up, abandoning any pretense at having a say in the goings-on. just admitting to myself that i am here to serve. to have it happen to me, not to decide what it is.

he kept me like that for a few minutes, then he released me, though he left the hood on. popped the gag out. pushed his cock into the small mouth hole, as much as he could. “there’s lots of pre-cum for you to clean off. get it done.”

i did, of course. i was so out of it by now, i was seeking any opportunity to obey. so when he told me to get on top of him and straddle him, to lower my body onto his cock, which is guaranteed to go deeper than just about any other position – i got up there, and sank down until i was whimpering, and then pushed even more. he loved this – he started ramming up into me and he drew me down to him, holding me tight, and fucking me over and over again. then flipping me over – i’m on my stomach, and he’s pinned my arms behind my back, and he is riding me fast and hard and he comes into me and i can finally relax.

and then he directs me – get down there and clean it off. “i want to feel my cock hit the back of your throat.” i do this til i’m retching and gagging and i rear off him. “once more.” “really?” i didn’t get a response, just him forcing my head down. so i do it again. gagging on the cum, on the strain, on the sensation. he releases me. i explode off again. “and again.” i catch my breath and go back again, deep throating him like crazy, feeling tears and cum mingling on my face, hoping this is going to end because i feel like a little slut and i am exhausted and i am totally at his beck and call. apparently this last time was enough. he pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me, protectively, lovingly. “sleep now, babygirl.” and i pass out.

it’s just sex, but it keeps me down there. this is – i’m pretty certain – not what “an equal relationship” looks like. this is, i’m fairly certain, what being a slave to my husband looks like. it’s hard work, mentally and physically, but the pleasure i get is so intense, and the wetness of my cunt any time he pulls me to him by grabbing my nipple – the knowing that i don’t have to try and make the right decision about my body any more, because he is going to use it just the way it’s supposed to be used – it doesn’t get any better than this. being owned. being controlled.