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It’s not as if I’m fighting back. It’s not as if I’m begging him to stop. I don’t try to get away. I spread when he tells me to. I open my mouth wider. I spread my ass cheeks. We reconfirm the rules of engagement every few weeks. He doesn’t mess with the genuine hard limits (which I have only one or two of). So how can it be so rough, how can I feel so humiliated, forced, raped, abused?

Because there is no question, no request, no agreement, no discussion, no flirting, no two-way play. Because he initiates sex by plunging his cock deep into me, fucking me like a whore, and never asking me if it’s okay, if I’m in the mood. Because my mind will be elsewhere, and he will suddenly be using me, causing me pain, and my cunt gets so wet, so quickly, and my mind spirals down, and everything goes a little black, and I become weak, and he does things to my body, my holes, and I’m done, I’m a toy for him.

He never wastes any time asking. He doesn’t have to. And his style is to continuously force me and reassert his control over me, to never give me an inch of space to breathe mentally. So I gave consent every time we negotiated, official conversations here and there, and the rest of the time, he wants to take me roughly, and get inside my head.

To me, this is not safe, loving tender sex. This is treating me like little more than a collection of holes for his pleasure.this is pretty rough.