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then there’s the sex in public idea. this i KNOW turns me on, it has for ages. not because i want to get caught. but because i want to be seen to be serving. in the past i would have vaguely categorised this as “exhibitionist”. but now i am putting 2 and 2 together, and i think i want people to see me and categorise ME as a slut. i think i want to know that vanillas are sneering, they’re mocking, or that those in the know see my collar and approve. and the pivotal part of this whole concept, is knowing that he is using me exactly how he wants. these aren’t passionate kisses by the riverside that i’m picturing. it’s me on my knees while he’s kicking back on a park bench, his hands entwined in my hair. it’s him bending me over a cold concrete shelf in the dank darkness under a city bridge, thrusting into me urgently and covering my mouth with a tight grip, then cumming in me and turning away from me as he buttons his pants. him using me suddenly, surprisingly, on a date night, whenever, not caring that people will see me and probably think i AM a whore. him cumming, me wet and stained, and having to keep up with him as he takes me where he wants, when he wants, how he wants. not caring who sees, and who knows i’m submitting.

i think in these fantasies, the glint of my collar is very visible. it goes hand in hand with my humiliation.

just some musings.