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they are powerful. they’re a form of mental training. by repetition and obedience, we are reminded of our position in lives. my role is easy when i’m in the middle of incredible sex with my husband. it’s the times on the edges that i feel i need to be reminded. and that’s where i want to use rituals to intentionally control my mind and train me. i’m obedient already – i’m desperate for order and subjugation. but i crave the structure that is enforced even when i don’t want it.

some rituals i’ve pictured are

… it’s bedtime, he comes in to kiss me good night, and i must immediately present to him, spreading my cunt lips with my fingers so that he can inspect me and pass judgement on how wet i am. or i must immediately present to him so he can fuck my ass with a butt plug for a few minutes, and decide whether to leave it in all night. or he comes in to give me a sweet kiss good night and buckle on the chastity belt. or the full chastity belt with plugs and dildos. or i have to deep throat him for 30 seconds without breathing.

… it’s morning, and when i come in to wake him up, i have to do so by taking his balls into my mouth one at a time, then i present to him without saying a word so if he wants to, he can fuck me.

i wake up slowly, groggily, a sunbeam coming through the crack in the curtains and landing squarely on my face. i yawn, stretch, and think about what i have to get through today. the chores, the work, cooking … i get irritated just thinking about how busy these days are getting. i roll over to get out of bed, then remember what i’m supposed to do first. i get even more irritated – this is just another task on my to do list, and it’s a waste of my time when i have bills to pay and shit to do. but i sigh resignedly, knowing that if i don’t do it, he promised me he’d use a knife on the inside of my labia, and i have to believe he was serious. so i move down the bed, and opening my mouth wide, i gently guide one ball at a time into my mouth. he smells and tastes musky, but i still make sure to roll my tongue over and over, and suck on them gently, doing what he taught me to. i’m writing a shopping list in my mind at the same time, and after i’ve finished my 5 minutes, i roll over and quietly get out of bed, glad to finally start my day. “get back here, slut” i hear from behind me. i turn around and try not to sigh or roll my eyes as i get back into bed. i quietly try my best, “master, it’s just that i have a really big day ahead of me, and i DID make sure i did five minutes, and i did it like you told me, so maybe i could get up and start my chores?” he just laughs. “are you trying to say no to me?” i gulp and hastily say “no, that’s not it, not at all.” damnit, i think to myself, why is he pretending like my shit isn’t important?? “present to me, slut. do it fast, because you’re starting to piss me off.” i get into position, and wait, impatiently, i have to admit. just get it over with, i think. “spread that cunt for me.” so i reach behind and spread my labia, and i can tell, hating myself already, that i’m dripping wet. “what are you?” i shudder slightly. “i’m your cunt, master.” and he plows into me, and the morning begins. 

when he’s done, he pulls out and cums all over my back. i don’t move, as he hasn’t told me i’m released yet. “you were in such a hurry, you can wait here for a while, and think about what you really are: my whore. i own you, and i decide when you’re free, and when you’re just a hole to be filled. that cum is my payment to you for this morning. that’s all you deserve.”

he leaves the room, and i hate myself for not refusing, i hate myself for being so wet, and i hate myself for savouring the taste of his balls in my mouth even now.

… the power of ritual. 

it’s bedtime, and he comes in to give me my kiss goodnight. he and i had argued about something stupid and pointless, and i’m gritting my teeth and dreading this moment. i give him a tight little peck of a kiss, and mutter “good night, master”. he waits, counting down “10 … 9 …”. I hate this, i want him to give me a bit of emotional space so i can get over the fight and get back to feeling good about him. i do nothing. “6 … 5 … 4 …” surely he isn’t serious, surely he realises that after that fight he isn’t actually going to get to do stuff to me! “3 … 2… ” he is serious, goddamnit. i hate him. “i’m really NOT IN THE MOOD, MASTER.” i snap at him. “SERIOUSLY. i don’t want to do anything tonight.” he’s silent. good, i think, he’s embarrassed and is going to leave me alone. more silence. “i’m still waiting, cunt.” “I SAID I DON’T WANT TO.” more silence. then he lunges at me, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head. “STOP IT! SAFEWORD! STOP STOP STOP!” and he’s wrapping the rope around my wrists, and then he shoves the penis gag in my mouth. i groan around it and shoot daggers at him with my eyes. this is getting really uncool, and i buck and kick at him as he is still reaching over me. 

“we’ve talked about bedtime. you know your responsibility. you’re supposed to present to me, and beg me to fuck you. i wasn’t going to even fuck you tonight, so we could have a bit of space from each other. but you aren’t allowed to choose, and you know that. your place is not to decide what we do. i own you. you know that. you may have chosen to forget tonight, but i’m going to remind you. your cunt is mine. your ass is mine. your mouth is mine. even when we’re fighting, arguing, even then, i expect you to drop to your knees when i tell you too, and i expect you to perform your duties without complaint. this IS WHO YOU ARE.” he slaps me hard on my face, over and over. “i am allowed to do this to you, because i own you, and i control you, and if i want to fuck you, or hurt you, or just ignore you, i will.” my cheeks are burning and i’m starting to choke around the penis gag. i am so angry at him, and i’m picturing divorcing him, and swearing off this whole bdsm thing, and he reaches down between my legs and he clucks his tongue at me. “look at that. i can feel how wet you are. do you know why? because you’re a slave – you’re programmed to want to be abused like this. you’re supposed to be humiliated like this. you belong in chains. and you know it. your cunt knows it. that’s all you are: my cunt.” and the fucking begins, and i am writhing underneath him like a little whore, and i know that when it’s all one, i’ll be clinging to him and begging him to stay with me a bit longer in bed. even as he moves to fucking my ass, i’m loving every second, and i give up any thought of stopping him, or wanting it to stop, and i thank god for sending me a husband who doesn’t hesitate to take me in hand and control my cunt, to punish and dominate me, and to make the decisions i’m too foolish to make for myself