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i went to bed before he did, and had finally fallen asleep realising he wasn’t coming in to fuck me. how wrong i was. he came to bed, pulled me to him for a cuddle, so i snuggled in. then he started finger fucking me, and i knew to wake up for real. gripped a handful of my hair, put me into spooning position, and then pushed my head far down so i was bent at 90 degrees, ass pushed against his cock. he fucked me for a while like this, then on my back, then on my stomach, like a piston ramming deep into me. 

then i think we relaxed, and talked a bit about submission, and i told him how “no” is not in my vocabulary at all right now, and i don’t want it to ever return. he approved of this, and pushed the anal plug in my ass, and strapped it in with a rope harness. then he had me present to him on the side of the bed, he bent me over and fucked me in my cunt, and then my memory goes blank a bit … then he had me sit astride him and ride him … then it was over, and i was gasping for breath, lying next to him, and the plug had fallen out with all the fucking. so he flipped me onto my stomach, spread my legs and knelt between them, and pressed his cock against my ass. slowly the head popped in, and i felt the burning tear. this time he wasn’t gentle and slow. he pushed straight in as far as he could, and when i started screaming, he pushed my face into the pillow and held it there. “scream”, he commanded me, and he thrust in and out fast and hard, about 5″ of cock buried inside my ass. i struggled, i screamed, and then suddenly something inside me switched, and i just relaxed. “oh, there you are, there’s my little slut” master said, approvingly. “you want this cock in your ass, don’t you”, and if i thought it was hard before, it was a million times worse now. but i lay there, not resisting, not clenching, just feeling it go in and out, and really starting to love it, this ass-fucking. he shoved my dirty panties in my mouth, and kept going. when he pulled out, i was so overwhelmed, it was slavespace in the extreme. 

one conversation we had in bed, i said how being a slave is finally right for me, and this is all i want. but that while i’m enjoying everything we do, is it really slavery? i said i think i’ll really believe it when i am in bed, i don’t want to have sex, and he fucks me, and i don’t enjoy it, and i resent him, and i don’t fight him off. and that that night will probably come when my libido inexplicably drops again. so i genuinely won’t want to do anything sexual, and i’ll tell him that, and be very serious about needing time out from M/s. and i said that’s the time when i want to give him permission now, to not feel that i can call the shots. that’s the time when, if he still wants to fuck me, i desperately want him to do so. that’s when it will be as close to rape as it can be, and that’s when it will be true slavery for me.

he understood. he agreed.

i want no escape. no safeword. no way out. just total obedience, submission, slavery, humiliation, degradation, abuse, use. even when i don’t want, i want it to be done to me. by my master.

i can’t wait for that night to come.